I received an email from a relatively new parishioner today. She wrote an article for her Home Owners Association Newsletter about how she found our parish. I thought it blog worthy. And so, with Karen's permission, here it is:

Finding the Right Church for Your Family

Karen Theobald Conlin

When my husband and I moved to Lansdowne a year and a half ago we set about finding all of the services, clubs, organizations, and schools that would meet the needs of our growing family. We spent hours on research and introductions and ended up with playgroups, sports clubs, athletic memberships, house cleaners, painters, and the world’s best dog walker. One of the most important “needs” for us, and the most elusive, was to find a church where we as adults could spend our hours of faith and which would also meet the needs of our two year old son who brought a lot of energy and enthusiasm to everything.

We started with a list of criteria, and the “baggage” of a mixed religious household. My husband has been raised as a Catholic, and my household growing up was a mix of Catholicism, and whichever Methodist or Presbyterian church was nearest to our home. While we didn’t have a preconceived notion of which denomination to select for our growing family, we both agreed that as parents a church involvement was critical for how we wanted to raise our children.

Taking a realistic approach to current time availability, we began to prioritize what we were looking for in a new church:

* Location: would we be able to get to church on a Sunday morning with little time spent in the car? This was key in getting all parties to attend as my husband spends hours during the week commuting and looks forward to little driving on the weekend, and our two year old son would have spent his time being patient in the car and become a tyrant should we drive to far.

* Mass/Service Times: would we be able to have time to eat (and feed) a good breakfast, get dressed and still be a HAPPY family heading off to church? We needed something with service times after breakfast, and before the nap schedule (which has changed as our son has aged).

* Childcare: would the entire family be enticed by the service, OR would there be childcare offered in order to meet our child’s need to expend energy and his charm? (admittedly, he is sometimes less than charming, and who wants to sit in the pew next to a “trying two year old?)

* School: would there be the opportunity for our child to expand his learning through a church pre-school at the appropriate age?

* Demographics: would there be other growing families in the church membership in order to socialize with, join church activities with, etc.

* Emotional Quotient: would we feel better attending this church on a Sunday morning than using the time to do something else as a family?

* Volunteer Activities: would there be a chance for us as a family, and each member individually to better ourselves and our community through the efforts of our church?

I began the process by going on line and searching for local churches. I made a list of the Catholic, Methodist and Presbyterian churches as well as their location and service times. Next, I began to cold call a few and inquired how they handled “mixed religion” families joining their church; i.e. did they require additional classes, converting, etc. Last but not least, I asked for their web site addresses and spent the time to read about their mission, membership, and leadership.

My husband and I began to visit various churches beginning with the local Catholic churches. We soon found that one or the other of us felt more inclined at each, but that we didn’t feel at sync on any of them. We spent time discussing what about our church upbringing was most important to us, and we learned that we probably needed to find a church that relished our “mixed religion” instead of trying to correct either of our “religious pedigrees”. As part of our research we began to consider the Episcopalian church as a potential home for our family. We had been driving down route 7 a number of times and seen St. David’s Episcopal church adjacent to Belmont Country Club. Could this be a middle ground we wondered?

I took it upon myself to call the church on a Monday morning and just happened to speak with a church vestry member who answered the telephone. I explained that we were new to the area, looking for a church and came with our own “baggage”. The woman on the phone was enthusiastic when she heard our needs and explained that a large percentage of the church was made up of couples similar to us; Catholicism and…. (a variety of Christian denominations). The church had also created a special 9 15am family service catered to small children with lots of music, stories, and fun; an odd concept when thinking about a church, but a sound one when involving young family members. The church leadership supported members getting involved in community activities, and created activities for those that were looking for a means to help others.

Okay, sounds good, I told her, but what did they expect us to DO in order to JOIN? I truly expected a long list of weekday evenings to need to be committed, classes to be taken, and years later we might be admitted to the church. That would be a hard sell to make to my husband after a long work week, and frankly a hard sell for me as the mother of a toddler and not enough hours in my current day. The kind woman smiled (I actually heard a smile believe it or not), and told me that we were welcome to attend whether we became members or not, and membership in this church would be a positive process.

A year later, we have joined the family at St. David’s Episcopal Church. We try and make most Sunday services at 9 15am. We regularly sit in the last pew in case our child warrants a quick dash out the door, but most times you’ll find this toddler dancing and clapping to the music, running to the front for the children’s stories, and laughing his way to the church playground after the service. For my husband and I, we still don’t have the time to attend the true “adult” service, but we give ourselves some slack and realize that we are in a certain time of our family’s growth and the most important thing is getting our family to church, and helping our son grow there.

We have started to attend the monthly family night activities with other church members, as well as the summer park series for toddlers and moms. Our son will begin preschool at St. David’s in the fall for one day a week, and we hope progress as he grows into the higher classes. We have met other young and growing families with whom we can socialize, volunteer and learn from. We also learned during a recent family crisis that belonging to a church can provide your greatest support system. For us, the people of St. David’s weathered the storm with us as neighbors, friends and counsel.

There is a country song that says, “If you don’t believe in something, you’ll fall for anything”. For our family, we took this to heart, and became determined to find something for our family and child to believe in. We hope that our decision helps provide a foundation for our son’s future akin to selecting the right school for him to attend and teaching the right friends to make. We hope that our journey to make this decision and take action upon it will help someone else who is new to the community, or new to a marriage/family that might require some thoughtful blending. If you do decide to try St. David’s as you search for your own special place, you’ll find us in the back pew; watching as our son enjoys the moment.